Shades
by dragongurl713
Summary: James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Four boys who formed one of the greatest friendships the world has ever seen. Join them on the beautiful and tragic paths set before them and discover important moments in their lives, told through shades of color.
1. Chapter 1

Black.

More than just a color, more than a word.

_A name_.

A name that meant pride, purity, and _better_.

Sirius stared into the mirror and tried to see the Black in himself. He looked like a Black-dark hair, grey eyes, and, as his mother said, 'a face befitting a prince.' But he didn't feel like one. Or act like one. And he didn't know how that made him feel.

"Sirius!"

He jumped at his mother's yell.

"Hurry up or we'll miss the train! You can't be late for your first trip to Hogwarts!"

Sirius rolled his eyes and turned from the mirror. She was only being nice because she thought that the Sorting Hat would fix everything. Every Black had been sorted into Slytherin and his parents assumed, despite his obvious differences, that he'd be the same.

While a small part of Sirius hoped the same, he was determined to prove his parents wrong. Any hope of pleasing them had died long ago and he was eager to show that his rebellion was more than a phase.

Grinning, he grabbed his trunk by the handle and raced out of his room.

"Coming!"

Black.

The color of a paw that had been a hand just seconds before.

Gasping, Sirius turned to look in the mirror and tripped over his legs.

All _four _of his legs.

Laughter and gasps of amazement came from the boys around him, but he scrambled back to his feet and stared into the glass.

Gazing back at him was an immense black dog. Excitement shivered down his spine and he started as the dog's tail responded by wagging.

Whirling around again, he yelled out his excitement, filling the room with loud barks. He bounded to James and watched his friend's face change from amusement to alarm.

"No, Siri-oof!"

James' breath whooshed out as Sirius knocked him to the ground. After a brief wrestling match, James managed to push Sirius to the side before standing up with a look of intense concentration.

Sirius paused, panting, and saw Peter and Remus holding their breaths in anticipation.

It happened in a blink. One moment he saw James, and the next, a stag.

Sirius barked in excitement and ran in circles around the room. James followed, stumbling a bit on his new legs, but quickly gaining confidence.

Their energetic celebrations ended after a moment and the Animagi turned to their companions.

Remus, who knew his friends well, quickly sidled away, leaving Peter standing alone in the corner.

The short boy's watery eyes got wide as he realized that he was cornered.

"Come on, guys!" he whined, backing further into the corner. "You know I can't do it yet. It always takes me forever to do magic and I'll probably end up only half-transforming or kill myself or..."

Peter cut himself off with a squeak as both Sirius and James pounced. Squeezing his eyes shut, he cowered back. Then, suddenly, he was gone.

Remus gasped. "What just...?"

Sirius and James had backed away in surprise and Sirius let out a whine as he stared at the dark corner.

He was inching towards the corner, sniffing, when a small grey shape scuttled out of the darkness.

Sirius scrambled back with a yelp, changing back to his human form as he moved.

James, who had transformed when Peter had disappeared, moved towards the shape.

"It's just a rat, Sirius," he said.

Sirius scowled, embarrassed, and retorted, "I knew that! I just didn't want to step on it."

James gave him an amused look and was about to respond when Remus spoke.

"What is it doing?"

The rat had begun twisting and thrashing about.

Remus gasped and ran towards it.

"Guys, what if it's Peter?"

Sirius and James exchanged incredulous looks.

"Excuse me?"

Scooping the rat into his hand, Remus lifted it to eye level.

"It's okay, Pete. Just stop struggling so much and concentrate," he turned to his other friends. "How did you turn back?"

Sirius, still doubtful about Remus' theory, was trying too hard not to laugh at Remus' conversation with the rodent to answer. James just shrugged.

"I don't know," he said. "I just...did it."

Remus set the rat on the floor and stepped back.

"Come on, Pete. You can do it."

They watched the rat sit perfectly still for a few moments. Then Sirius shook his head.

"This isn't working. How about..."

He walked quickly to the rat and made as if to step on it.

With a squeak, the rat became a petrified Peter.

"Don't step on me!"

Sirius doubled over with laughter, hearing James and Remus laughing behind him.

Peter scowled and got to his feet.

"It's not funny. You don't know what it's like to be so small and helpless. I thought I was going to be stuck that way forever."

James walked over and patted his trembling friend on the back.

"Don't worry, Pete. I promise that you'll never have to live as a rat."

Remus chuckled and Sirius grinned as they stood together. They were silent for a moment.

Then Sirius said, "We did it."

They stared at each other in silent awe. After years of research, hard work, and close calls, they had finally done it.

Remus looked around at his friends. His eyes grew watery as he said, "Thank you. I just-" His voice cracked and he dropped his head, rubbing at his face.

Quickly, James grabbed his wand and held it to the middle of their circle.

"To the Marauders."

Remus raised his head and smiled before adding his wand to James'.

"To friends."

Peter was next.

"To mischief."

Sirius looked around at his mates and felt content. This was where he belonged. Where they all belonged.

Lifting his wand, he grinned.

"To us."

Black.

The color of the night sky, beautiful in its majesty.

Sirius sat on the roof of his building, feet dangling over the empty alley below. He was holding a half-empty bottle of firewhiskey, head tipped back as he studied the stars.

He was named after a star, one of the brightest in the sky, as were all of the members of the Black family.

He easily found the dog star, having spent most of his childhood and far too many astronomy lessons studying the Canis Major constellation. After a few seconds of staring at the bright spot, his eyes slid to another constellation, finding another star that had been oft-mentioned in his childhood home.

Regulus. The star whose name meant 'little king.'

A perfect name for the little brother that had taken his place as heir to the Black fortune and prestige when he had run away from home four years ago.

Scowling, Sirius brought the bottle to his lips and chugged several large gulps. The fiery liquid that burned down his throat and into his gut was only a fraction of the ache in his heart.

"You know, Padfoot, being a rebel doesn't mean you have to _literally_ live on the edge."

Sirius grunted as James joined him on the ledge. Raising the bottle again, he drank the rest of the liquid before dropping it between his feet. It sailed down to the alley and shattered alongside the remains of the last two bottles.

"Remus told me," James said after a moment. "How're you holding up?"

Sirius snorted.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Sirius..."

"I said I'm fine!" he snarled, glaring at James. "My family means nothing to me! They're just a bunch of arrogant purebloods and just because one of them d-"

His voice caught and he looked away, taking a quick breath for control. From the corner of his eye, he saw James opening his mouth to speak.

"Don't you have anywhere better to be?" he said quickly. "We both know that you detested Reg, so don't try to pretend otherwise. Run back home to your safe little wife and leave me alone. I don't need or want empty platitudes."

James stared at him, his face hard.

"Even if I did detest Regulus, I would never make light of what he meant to you by pretending to care. I didn't agree with his choices, same as you, but I care because you care. I'm your best friend, Sirius, so you can cut the crap and the act."

His words were harsh, prompting some guilt, but Sirius knew that his friend sincerely meant every word.

He sat quietly, staring again at the stars and trying to process his raging thoughts and feelings.

"We never actually hated each other, you know," he said finally. "We just never really figured out how to move past all the crap at home."

He reached behind him to grab more firewhiskey, handing a bottle to James as he went. James' eyes were intent on him, listening attentively, despite already knowing most of the story.

"You knew that we saw some of each other at school, just to talk and such, but I only saw him once after we graduated. Our darling mother had just sent me an owl to inform me of his induction to Voldemort's ranks. The letter was full of the usual 'he was always the better son. I wish you had never been born' kind of stuff. I should have been used to it by then, but coupled with Reg becoming a Death Eater, I don't know, I just...lost it."

"That was when you landed in Mungo's, wasn't it?" James interrupted quietly.

Sirius nodded.

"Yeah, I snuck into school and confronted him. I told him how much of a screw-up I thought he was and how weak he had to be to mindlessly obey our parents. And he said that he might be weak but at least he didn't make a habit of running away from his problems. We said a lot of things, Prongs, hateful things, and ended up fighting, right there in Hogwarts. When I left, I told him that I never wanted to see him again. And he told me that it was about time, because he hadn't wanted anything to do with me for years anyway."

He twisted the bottle in his hands.

"Afterwards, all I could think about was his face and the way he had looked before we fought. Sure, he was angry, but it was more than that. He was hurt by what I said, as if it did matter to him what I thought. And he was _afraid._ So afraid. And I left him alone."

He looked again at Regulus' star, twinkling high above their heads, and wondered why its light hadn't ended with his brother.

"He wrote me last week, three owls, asking me to see him. Said he had something important he needed to tell me. I ignored him, of course. Told him to piss off and tell his Death Eater friends if it was so important."

He dropped the still-full bottle into the alley, watching as it shattered into a million pieces, destroyed and impossible to put back together.

Just like his life.

"I failed him, James. I failed him as a brother when I ran away like a coward and left him alone to shoulder the burden I couldn't bear. I failed him when I let him join the Death Eaters and abandoned him to them. I failed- I failed..."

The pain, guilt, and regret that had consumed him since he heard the news finally broke past his barriers and he sobbed. Sobbed for the memories and the might-have-beens.

Sobbed for the relationship that he had discarded so easily. Sobbed for the brother he had never truly known.

And James just wrapped an arm around him, not saying a word. Because there was really nothing to be said.

Black.

The color of his best friend's hair, stark against the ash that covered it.

_No, no, no, no, no._

Sirius was dimly aware that he was hyperventilating as he stared at the rubble-covered form.

James was lying at the base of the rubble-covered stairs. The force of the explosion must have pushed the debris through the opening, partially burying his body.

Sirius moved slowly through the hallway, body trembling, hoping that at any moment James would pop up with a grin and laugh at his gullibility.

A crunching shatter startled him out of his daze. Looking down, Sirius saw the wire frames and broken lenses of James' glasses under his foot. At the sight, a moan broke from his throat and he lunged toward the body as his knees quaked and collapsed.

Falling to a kneel, Sirius reached toward James, to nudge him, shake him, anything to break the damning stillness.

His shaking hand was inches from completing its halting journey when a shrill cry broke the silence.

Sirius jolted to his feet, tear-filled eyes gazing at the ceiling and the direction of the cry.

Could it be...?

Concrete and plaster crumbled and shifted under his boots as he fought his way up the stairs and into the open night air. Half of the second floor had been blasted away, demolishing the hallway and nursery.

Gasping through a throat strangled with fear and rising hope, Sirius continued to stumble through the debris toward his godson's room.

The cry had sounded like a baby, but that was impossible.

All of the safety measures, including the Fidelius charm, were to protect Harry, the target of Voldemort's ruthless hunt. There was no way he had let the child live and James' body suggested a similar fate for Lily.

So, who had cried?

The cool night air blew against him and, when he glanced up, he saw stars against the inky sky. The wall across from him had been blown to smithereens and the adjacent walls were only half there. The entire ceiling was gone, burying the snitch-and-quaffle-covered rug.

Sirius took a deep, fortifying breath before entering the small bedroom. Dodging a piece of dangling plaster, he worked his way through the debris toward what had once been Harry's crib.

A flash of red caught his attention as he walked and he turned toward it on instinct. Bile shot to the back of his throat an instant later as he stumbled back from Lily's body. Her long, red hair floated gently in the breeze, beautiful against the devastation.

Tears streamed down Sirius' face as he coughed and retched.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Voldemort wasn't supposed to win. James and Lily were supposed to be safe and happy. They were supposed to be having more kids for him to spoil while James laughed and Lily rolled her eyes. They were supposed to be safe from hurt and heartache.

From death.

Because they were Marauders and Marauders never died.

Another wail tore Sirius from his thoughts. With a gasp, he lurched from his knees to the corner of the room. He would know that cry anywhere.

_Harry!_

Chunks of plaster and boards flew across the room as he dug through the mound of rubble. He could now hear soft sobs and cries, which spurred him to work faster.

After lifting a particularly heavy piece of wood, Sirius discovered his godson.

Harry was curled into the corner of his partially collapsed crib. Dust and plaster littered the mattress, but the wood had protected him from most of the debris. Tears covered his chubby red cheeks and he wailed again at the sight of his godfather.

Sirius swiped the back of his hand over his face before reaching down and gently lifting the baby. Harry's sobs subsided as Sirius rubbed his back and held him tightly to his chest.

Sniffing, he pushed to his feet and walked out, refusing to let his eyes stray from their intense forward stare, even when moving past the bodies.

Once he reached the garden, he took deep, calming breaths. He couldn't fathom the fact that Harry was still alive. James, Lily, the state of the house, all of it seemed to imply that Voldemort had indeed found the Potters.

So, why had he left Harry alone? What had happened to the house? And where was Voldemort now?

Harry squirmed in his arms and, glancing down, he stroked the baby's wild black hair from his forehead.

Sirius froze at the mark Harry's hair had hidden. Holding his breath, he gently traced the fresh wound.

A lightening bolt.

Remarks and passages flashed through his mind at the shape, lessons he had learned years before. _Curse wounds...only the most powerful magic...rebounding...permanent scarring..._

Then, other words crept through his mind, words that had prompted the desperate fight for Harry's safety.

"_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches. Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies. And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not..."_

They all knew that Voldemort had targeted the Potter's after Snape revealed the prophecy to him. Knew that he believed Harry to be the prophesied child.

Voldemort must have come to the house, killed James and Lily, and then tried to kill Harry. But something went wrong. For some reason, Voldemort's curse must have rebounded, scarring Harry and hitting the dark wizard instead.

Which meant...

Voldemort was dead.

Dead.

Relieved elation bubbled into his soul as his sorrow increased tenfold.

They had done it. James and Lily had accomplished the goal every Phoenix pledged to pursue. And they had lost their lives for it.

And with their lives, a giant piece of Sirius' world had dissolved. An important piece.

Perhaps, the _most_ important piece.

It felt as if his entire existence had been extinguished with their lives. He felt as though he had lost everything.

Harry squirmed again, cooing, and Sirius clutched him tighter.

No, not everything. He still had his godson, whom he would love and raise in the memory of his parents. He still had Remus and Peter...

_Peter!_

It felt as if he had been hit with a train. Everything in him froze and focused on that one name and all the implications that came with it.

He had been to Peter's house earlier that night, hoping to check on his nervous friend, and found it empty. That was the whole reason he had come here-a sinking feeling that refused to leave.

Because James and Lily were fine as long as Peter was fine.

But they weren't fine. Which meant...

Sirius clenched his eyes shut as the world spun around him. Moments from the last few months spun like a movie through his mind, highlighting Peter's every evasive answer, excuse, and unexplained action.

Peter had turned James and Lily in to Voldemort. Had been responsible for the near misses and both of the times that they had been captured.

Had betrayed them to their deaths by telling Voldemort their location.

Because Sirius had thought he could outsmart the most powerful dark wizard in the world by making Peter the Secret Keeper.

Pain and guilt formed a lump in his throat, making it difficult to breath. He squeezed Harry tighter as he struggled with the bitter emotions and the child began to cry.

Opening his eyes, Sirius loosened his grip and rocked Harry gently.

"Shh, it'll be okay," he murmured.

Now wasn't the time for pain. Now was the time to make Peter pay for what he had done. Focusing on the anger helped Sirius push aside the grief. The fact that he had ever counted that slimy bastard as a friend made him grind his teeth. Oh yes, Peter would pay.

There was only one hitch to his plan. Where could he put Harry until he came back?

Sirius walked over to his motorcycle, contemplating his options. Both Lily's and James' parents had died over the last few years and there was no way that he would let Lily's sister take his godson! Those good-for-nothing Muggles would probably refuse to take him anyway.

That left Moony, but Sirius wasn't sure the wizard would think himself capable of taking care of Harry. Anyway, the full moon was tomorrow and Remus was nearly too sick to care for himself at the moment.

Sirius sat on his bike as he thought; the need for revenge warring with his firm desire to care for his godson.

"Wha- Sirius? Is that you?"

Sirius turned at the sound of Hagrid's voice and found the half-giant standing by the road.

Hagrid was staring at the ruined house and, as Sirius watched, he fell to his knees and wailed in despair.

"Not the Potters! Not James and Lily, or tiny Harry! No, no..."

Sirius ran to him and threw an arm around the large man. Harry began to cry as Hagrid's loud sobs filled the air.

At the sound, Hagrid looked at Sirius and the bundle he was carrying. He gave a loud gasp and wiped a hand across his tearstained face.

"Is that...?"

Sirius nodded and allowed Hagrid to take Harry from him.

"Then what happened? James and Lily, did they-?"

Sirius shook his head sadly and Hagrid closed his eyes as a fresh wave of tears streamed down his face.

A plan had already begun to form in Sirius' mind, but he allowed Hagrid a moment before questioning him.

"Hagrid, do you know if Dumbledore knows? If he's heard and if he's going to come?"

Hagrid rocked Harry as he answered, his soft beetle-black eyes never leaving the child's face.

"Yeah, he's coming. Sent me on ahead, he did, said he had something he needed to take care of afore coming. But I'm sure he woulda come straight aways if he'd known, if he'd heard-"

Sobs again shook him, but Sirius was distracted by the urgency of his plan.

"Listen, Hagrid," he said, "There's something I need to do, something that _I _need to take care of tonight. Would you mind caring for Harry until I return? Here, I'll even give you the keys to my bike so that you can use it."

Hagrid looked confused, but nodded his head, reaching to take the keys from Sirius.

Adrenaline, fury, and anticipation rushed through Sirius' veins and he was suddenly desperate to get away.

Stepping away, he closed his eyes so that he could focus on his desired destination.

Suddenly, his eyes popped open and he rushed back to Hagrid.

Taking Harry from the half-giant, he softly touched the baby's cheek. Bright green eyes stared up at him and Harry reached a chubby hand up to grab his finger.

Kissing the baby's forehead, Sirius whispered softly, "I'll be back for you, Harry. And I'll make everything okay. For me and you, buddy."

Pressing another kiss to his head, Sirius handed the baby back and nodded to Hagrid.

"Take care of him."

Then, closing his eyes and concentrating with grim determination, he apparated away.

Black.

Color had never before been _felt _as it was felt now.

Cold. Oppressive. Terrifying.

Black had never had a _stench_, but it did now.

Decay. Urine. Feces. Death.

Sirius huddled in a corner of his cell, trying to hold on to the last vestiges of his strength and sanity.

Initially, he had attempted to track time by meals or guard patrols. The lack of regular meals had ended that strategy soon enough and human guards rarely wandered into any part of Azkaban, too scared of the Dementors to venture far from their offices.

Dementor visits, conversely, were _very _regular.

It seemed as if barely a minute could pass before the gut-freezing cold would settle into the cell, creep into his soul, and wreak havoc on his mind.Besides, the aftermath of the attack removed any coherent thought for countless minutes, making timekeeping impossible.

So, Sirius had no idea how long he had been imprisoned. Had no knowledge of the amount of time that had passed between his fight with Peter and now. Couldn't tell you how long it had been since his world ended on All Hallow's Eve.

All he knew was the terror, guilt, and anguish he felt when his memories were pulled from the depths of his mind and any remaining happiness was consumed by the Dementors.

And even when they weren't torturing him, the screams, moans, and ceaseless ramblings of the other prisoners were enough to push him beyond sanity.

Sometimes, the Dementors would disappear and leave the entire block in a hush. But even in those brief respites, Sirius found no relief. During these times, the hidden sounds of the prison could be heard in the darkness.

The wind whistling through the holes and gaps in the stone fortress. The crash of waves against rock. The pitter-patter of tiny feet as rats searched for food and warmth.

It was the rats that bothered Sirius the most. Every squeak and skitter reminded him of Peter's betrayal and the duel that had landed him in the prison.

He shivered and pressed deeper into the corner. The temperature was dropping again, the cold creeping across the stone floor. His breath began clouding as the dreaded swishing reached his ears.

Sirius pulled his knees up to his chest, covered his ears with his hands, and squeezed his eyes shut. Rocking slightly, he began to chant the phrase that had proved to be the only link to his sanity.

_I'm innocent. I'm innocent._

Innocent because he had made a stupid, arrogant decision that had murdered his best friends. But innocent nonetheless.

Despair clouded his soul and he whimpered as the Dementor's rattling breath filled the cell.

Coldness consumed his entire being as a rushing sound filled his ears and coated his very existence. He couldn't think or feel from the cold.

_I'm innocent. I'm innocent._

He felt as if he was drowning in the freezing cold as a white cloud consumed him and snatches of memories assailed him.

Standing in James' kitchen, convincing him to make Peter the Secret Keeper...winking at Lily's eye-roll as he drove off, never knowing it was the last time he'd see her alive...

The memories moved faster, driving stakes of guilt deeper into his heart. Distantly, Sirius was aware that he was screaming. Screaming and raking his fingernails down his face in an attempt to lessen the anguish.

Peter's fear and cowardice when confronted...the duel, lights flashing back and forth before Peter seemingly vanished...his reappearance behind Sirius just before he killed those Muggles and cut off his own finger...the hollow, insane laugh that had torn itself from his chest as he realized that the stupid, watery-eyed boy had outsmarted him and he was royally screwed...

He twitched violently at the scenes.

The shattered lenses of James' glasses under his shoe...the burn of his vomit after finding Lily...

"Please, please..." he moaned. _I'm innocent. I'm innocent!_

Harry's tiny fist wrapped around his finger, green eyes staring into his...promising, "I'll be back for you, Harry. And I'll make everything okay. For me and you, buddy."

Darkness dimmed the visions as his consciousness slipped.

_I'm innocent. I'm innocent..._

Black.

The color of the dirt under his fingernails, remnants of the filth gathered during his years in Azkaban.

Sirius studied the blackened, uneven edges as he sat on Moony's sofa. The events of last night replayed endlessly in his mind and his jagged nails dug into his palms as frustrated anger over Peter's escape made him clench his hands into fists.

The clink of porcelain disrupted his thoughts, sending him to his feet in alarm.

Instead of Dementors, Remus stood before him, hands raised placatingly as he stepped back from the tea tray he had just placed on the table.

Sirius relaxed, collapsing on the sofa and burying his face in his hands. He felt the sofa dip as Remus sat beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You know, I never thought I would get to do this again."

Sirius raised his head at Remus' words.

"What do you mean? Do what?"

"Sit here with one of my best friends," Remus' green eyes were wet as he studied the teapot.

Sirius glanced up at his friend in surprise. He'd never before considered the effect everything would have upon Remus. Sorrow filled him as he reflected on the years of loneliness, grief, and betrayal the werewolf would have had to endure on his own. Not to mention the transformations without the help of the Marauders and the prejudice he surely faced from the Wizarding community.

Thinking the whole time that Sirius had sent their best friends to their deaths.

Tears filled his own eyes at the realization and he resumed picking at his fingernails.

"Did you mean what you said at the Shrieking Shack last night, Moony?" Remus looked back at him and Sirius met his eyes. "About forgiving me for suspecting you? It was ridiculous, but when the Death Eaters kept finding James and Lily and you were gone so long on missions and such, the stress of the Order, and..."

Remus stopped him with a squeeze of his shoulder. Giving him a sad smile, he said, "Of course, Padfoot. We all did and said things we wouldn't have otherwise during those days. The notion that you would ever hurt James, Lily, and Harry was preposterous and yet..."

He sighed and clasped his hands in front of him.

"But we're here now._ You're _here now."

Sirius snorted and pushed off the sofa. Running his hand through his hair, he paced across the room.

"But for how long, Remus? Even now, we're both in danger! All it takes is one little glance or suspicion and the Ministry will be on us like flies!"

Remus stared at him silently. Even after twelve years of separation, he knew that Sirius' verbal explosions were rarely limited to a few sentences.

"_Maybe _things would've worked out all right if Peter hadn't escaped. He was the only proof I had that I wasn't the one to betray the Order. Without him, I..."

His steps faltered and his words died. He leaned his forehead against the wall and spoke so softly that Remus had to lean forward to hear him.

"I won't go back, Moony. I-I can't..."

"And nobody would expect you to," Remus cut in. "Dumbledore and I know you're innocent and we'll do anything to help you out. And Harry-"

Sirius growled and punched the wall.

"Blast that bloody traitor! We were supposed to have a home together, Moony," he turned back to his friend. "I asked him, you know, after we left the Shack. To come live with me."

He sat down again, burying his head in his hands.

"You should see how they treat him, Moony, those Muggles. I spent some time there during the summer, keeping an eye on him. How Lily could ever be related to those people is beyond me. And yet...he's brilliant. Despite everything, he's the most amazing boy I've ever met."

Remus' eyes and smile were soft as he nodded.

"And an incredible wizard. Although, maybe not the best student..."

Sirius chuckled with him.

"He's half James, what did you expect? He was bound to cause some trouble."

Remus laughed.

"That he does. But Ron and Hermione do their best to keep him out of trouble. He's always in deep water with Snape though."

Sirius scoffed.

"Of course he is. The git probably can't get over the fact that Harry's better than him, just like James was. Snape, a teacher. What in Merlin's name was Dumbledore thinking?"

Remus shrugged.

"I can't say that I agree with his decision, but Snape is a master at Potions and the students learn a lot. But I was thoroughly impressed and pleased with the way that those kids took care of him tonight," he chuckled again. "There are times when I look at him and all I can see is James."

"Though he does seem to take after Lily too." Sirius remarked.

"He's the best of both of them. And everything they would've wanted him to be."

They were both quiet for a moment.

Then Remus said, "Sirius, tell me about the night they died, would you? What happened?"

Sirius took a deep breath and let it out slowly. These were the memories that haunted him the most and he instinctually braced for the Dementors' freeze to chill him.

After a halting beginning, the story flowed from his tongue, taking with it a burden he hadn't realized he carried. Sharing the events of that night for the first time, to someone who didn't judge his mistakes and understood his pain, was a balm to his raw spirit.

The two talked late into the night, until his eyes drooped and his words slurred.

"What will you do now?"

Sirius was quiet, contemplating the question and the few options left open to him.

"I don't really know. I'd hole up at my parents' place, but I'm sure they're watching it too closely for that. I'll probably spend a few more weeks as Padfoot till I find a place to stay."

Remus nodded and sighed.

"I'd offer you a room, but I won't be here much longer either."

Sirius looked up in surprise.

"Why not?"

Remus gave a rueful smile that was edged with resignation and bitterness.

"My landlady's niece attends Hogwarts and her sister told her about my 'furry little problem.' She's given me two days to move out."

Fury rose in Sirius and he scowled.

"The bint! If she thinks she can just-"

"No, no, Sirius," Remus brushed away his outburst. "She has the right to decide who takes her flat and she's decided that it's not me. We both know that she isn't the first and she certainly won't be the last."

"But after all you've done... Why are people so bloody stupid?"

Standing up, Remus shook his head.

"It's just the way the world is. We both have things we'll have to deal with. No one accepts us now, but we still have each other."

"And Harry."

"And Harry," Remus agreed. "And that will have to be enough."

Grasping Sirius' arm, he pulled him to his feet.

"Now, go enjoy a hot shower and a warm, soft bed. You've earned it, old friend."

Sirius smiled at his oldest friend and ally and pulled him into a hug.

"Thanks, Remus. I...you... Thanks."

Remus patted his back twice, before pushing him towards the bath with a smile.

They would be all right, the two of them.

Because they had each other.

Black.

The slightly foreboding entrance to the secret labyrinth that composed the Department of Mysteries.

Sirius bounced on his toes as he waited for Moody to open the door. While panic and concern for Harry had his stomach tied in knots, anticipation for the coming fight had adrenaline coursing through his body. Finally! After months of wasting away in that stuffy old house, he was going to be back in the thick of things.

Useful, at last.

He had always been an eager fighter. Back when he fought with the first Order, he had rushed into fights with enthusiasm. It was only after the battles, when the names of those lost were echoing through his mind, that the shaking would start. He would disappear to a pub, sometimes with his mates, sometimes without, and nurse his wounds, both physical and emotional, with glasses of firewhiskey. He would wake the next day with a blinding headache, usually tucked into James' spare room, and use his banter with James and Lily to ready himself for the next time.

The click of the opening door pulled Sirius from his thoughts and he took a deep breath as he surged forward with Moody and Lupin. Eager or not, Harry's life was in danger and that made this fight different in every way.

The door opened to a chamber of a dozen doors which began to whirl around them after the entrance closed behind Remus.

With a grunt, Moody waved his wand and the doors stopped spinning. His magical eye spun around wildly for a few seconds before he moved to a door to their left. Pushing against it, he opened it easily.

Instantly, the sounds of dueling filled the air. Shouts of spells and exclamations echoed around them, spurring them quickly through the door.

Vaguely, Sirius registered the entrance of Tonks and Shacklebolt as they surged through the door, but his attention was focused on Harry, standing on a dais in the center of the room, facing Lucius Malfoy.

As he watched, Tonks shouted a Stunner at Malfoy and Harry dived to the side, unharmed and, for the moment, all right.

A Cruciatus from a Death Eater streamed toward him and Sirius threw up a shield as he ducked to the side. Aiming his wand, he shot a Stupefy at the masked wizard, followed quickly by a Body Bind that caught him in the chest.

Satisfied that he was out of the way, Sirius turned to his next enemy, sending and dodging spells with ease.

Faces and spells flashed by in blurs as he pushed his opponent towards the spot where he had last seen Harry.

The Death Eater was ruthless and, though his power and skill were great, Sirius had not truly duelled in almost fifteen years. Still, he prevailed and turned to look for his godson.

To his rage and horror, Dolohov was bearing down on Harry as the boy valiantly tried to oppose him.

With a growl, Sirius launched himself over Moody's prone form and flew into Dolohov, sending him flying. The Death Eater snarled and raised his wand to retaliate, but Harry sent a Petrificus Totalus that left him tumbling down the stairs.

Pride and elation soared through Sirius as he congratulated the young wizard and

pushed him away from a pair of Stupefys.

_If only you could see him now, James!_

He began to tell Harry to run but was interrupted by a Killing Curse that came from across the room. He watched as Tonks fell in her duel with Bellatrix and knew that he needed to get the children out quickly.

Sprinting to his cousin, Sirius yelled at Harry over his shoulder, instructing him to take Neville and the prophecy and run.

Bellatrix twirled her wand through her fingers as she watched him approach, a deranged smile on her face.

"What a reunion this is, cousin," Sirius baited, casting an Expelliarmus that she easily deflected. "Enjoying our time out of Azkaban, are we?"

She sneered as she sent another Avada at him.

"Well, you should know."

He snarled and began casting furiously, barely taking time to breathe between spells and taunts, each of which she returned with ferocity. Their fight took them to the dais, where they danced around the veil, which fluttered in the windless room.

When Dumbledore burst into the room, sending the Death Eaters running, Bellatrix grinned and laughed maniacally.

"It seems Dumbledore's come to collect his pet, Sirius. Run along now, your master's calling."

Sirius gritted his teeth, but, hearing the slight apprehension in her voice, forced a grin.

"Funny, I always thought Voldemort was the one keeping pets."

She glared and sent a Cruciatus that he ducked easily.

Laughing in exhilaration, he opened his mouth to taunt her again.

This time, he never even saw the curse that hit him like a ram in his chest.

Shocked, he couldn't think, couldn't breathe. Could only fall back, all control of his limbs suddenly gone.

A whisper of cold trailed over him, _through_ him, as he fell.

And just like that, Sirius fell into the darkness.

Where all he knew was...

**Black**.


	2. Chapter 2

Red.

The color of light when eyes are clenched shut.

Remus didn't know where he was or what the wizards in green robes were doing. All he knew was that something was burrowing through his bones from the site of the monster's bite.

And it _hurt_.

_He had been sleeping quietly, dreaming of the birthday soon to come, when his slumber was broken by the sound of shattering glass. Shards had rained down upon his bed, followed by a heavy weight that landed on his legs._

_He screamed, panic and disorientation clouding his mind as he struggled under the growling form._

_The creature snarled, lunging toward his face and Remus managed to wiggle to the edge of the mattress, tumbling to the floor. His movement caused the creature, which looked frightfully like a large wolf, to fall also, becoming tangled in the sheets and blankets._

_Remus continued screaming, scrabbling backwards to the corner, where he grabbed his toy broomstick._

_With a loud rip, the wolf clawed its way out of the blankets and stalked toward him. More than the dripping fangs and sharp claws, it was the faint glimmer of intelligence in its eyes that scared Remus the most._

_Trembling, he swung the broom, sending it flying toward the wolf. The creature dodged the toy easily and gave a growl that sounded eerily like a chuckle._

_Tears poured down Remus' cheeks as he pushed himself farther in the corner, screaming as the creature crouched and pounced._

_White-hot, ripping, pulsing._

_Pain that was nearly indescribable exploded from his leg and shot throughout the rest of his body. He felt the wolf drag him from the corner and clamp down harder on his leg._

_Black edged his vision as the pain began to sabotage his consciousness, pulling him further from the scene._

_Dimly, he was aware of his father bursting into the room and shooting multiple bright spells at the wolf, which caused it to release him and flee through the open window._

_He felt his father gather him into his arms, weeping and shouting for his wife, before he fell into the darkness._

Now, he was writhing on a bed as witches and wizards pointed bright lights in his eyes and poked needles into his arms. Every part of his body hurt and the pain only increased every time he was touched.

Concern was etched into their faces and Remus caught snatches of words as they rushed him down a stark white corridor.

"...heart rate is through the roof! Need to..."

"...pupils dilated..."

"...anyone get a name? We should I.D..."

"...stop the pain and the screaming! The poor boy is..."

Suddenly, one voice rose clearly above the others.

"Stop all this speculating! We need to examine the leg wound and find whatever is causing his vitals to be so abnormal."

With murmured assent, the wizards and witches ceased their proddings and probings and waited as the authoritative witch who had given the command unwrapped the hastily tied rag wrappings from his leg.

When the last of the cloth was removed, there were gasps of shock and horror. Instantly, the murmurs began anew.

"Could it be?"

"No wonder we didn't get a name..."

"But the child's so young..."

"Not really a child anymore, is he?"

Remus whimpered as the group seemed to shrink away from him and the pain throbbed. He just wanted his parents and his cat.

And to stop _hurting_.

The head witch appeared to steel herself as she looked around at her colleagues.

"You know what we must do."

With nods and murmurs of agreement, the group set to work, some removing the monitors and other equipment while others began moving the bed with renewed haste.

By the time they reached their destination, Remus was writhing and screaming so much that he had been lashed to the bed. His bones felt as if they had been filled with molten metal and he was inexplicably angry with every person in sight.

He could hear a door opening and was taken into the room a moment later. It was small and bare, with a dirt floor and no windows. A single, flickering torch was the only adornment.

He howled with pain as two wizards removed his restraints and dumped him carelessly onto the floor.

There, Remus watched as the wizards quickly exited the room, leaving only himself and the head witch.

She looked revolted and cold as she watched him scream and scrabble at the floor, his bones feeling as if they were breaking apart.

"Please," he managed, tears coursing down his face. "My mum and dad, I just want my mum and dad."

The witch sniffed contemptuously as she stepped back through the doorway.

"If they still want you, they will come collect you in the morning. Good day."

And with that, she slammed the heavy wooden door.

In the feeble light, Remus could see that the door was covered in scratches and gouges, intermixed with large brown stains. Though he didn't know what the marks were from, they gave him a bad feeling.

He was distracted by another surge of pain, feeling as if sharp needles were poking through every inch of skin as his body was stretched and _changed_.

Struggling against his body's affliction, he pulled himself to the door and banged his small fists against it, not understanding what was happening to him and why he was left so alone.

"Please! Help me!" He sobbed. "Mummy! Dad! Somebody, please!"

He gave a hopeless wail and collapsed against the wood, giving in to whatever came next.

"Please..."

Red.

The color of curtains hanging around a bed, trimmed in gold.

Remus stared around the room, trying to wrap his mind around the reality that he was actually there. At Hogwarts. Sorted into _Gryffindor_ of all places.

Ever since he had boarded the Hogwarts' Express, he had fully expected a barrage of wizards to come and take him to Azkaban for having the audacity to think that he could become one of them. If he was honest, he was still waiting to be thrown out, sure that his condition was written across his forehead for all to see.

"Um, you ever gonna move, mate? I think we'd all like to get in, too."

Remus started and jumped out of the way, having been unaware that he was blocking the doorway to the dorm.

"Sorry." He mumbled to the other boy, Sirius, if he wasn't mistaken, as the others entered the dormitory.

A quick scan of the room revealed his trunk waiting at the end of one of the beds. He shrugged his robes off, folding them neatly and placing them in his trunk, before pulling out a set of pajamas.

He began to unbutton his shirt, listening to the excited chatter of Sirius and James as they explored the room and adjoining bath. He had met both of them on the train ride in and sat with them during dinner. They seemed agreeable, but he had learned to treat possible friends with care, never knowing when they would turn on him. He was tempted to join in the conversation, but the full moon was in four days and he was already feeling the exhausting effects of his coming transformation.

As he worked the third button through the hole, his fingers brushed the edge of one of the many scars on his torso. He froze, suddenly aware of the questions the marks were bound to produce. Carefully sliding the button back into its slot, he gathered his pajamas and walked to the bath.

Pausing at the door, he watched as Sirius and James argued over who could use the space first.

Clearing his throat, he caught their attention and said, "While you two work it out, do you mind if I use it?"

The boys stared at him, seeming to contemplate his words.

"Fine," James said, shrugging and walking towards the door. "And then I'll come use it after you."

"Oh no, you don't!" Sirius protested, continuing the argument as the two pushed past Remus.

With a sigh of relief, Remus shut the door. He changed quickly, brushed his teeth, and left the room, his clothes bundled in his arms.

James, already dressed for bed, had apparently won the argument, flashing Remus a triumphant grin as he passed.

Remus shot a questioning look at Sirius, who was upside down and hanging off his bed. The young wizard grinned.

"I filled his pajamas with itching powder while he was gloating."

Just then, James let out a yell, sending Sirius into gales of laughter. Remus hurried to his bed as the bathroom door flew open to reveal a madly itching James. The sight was apparently too much for Sirius, who fell off the bed in his laughing fit.

Shaking his head with a smile, Remus folded his clothes and placed them neatly in his trunk. He climbed onto his bed, preparing to draw the curtains to block out the noise of James and Sirius' scuffle, when he was hit with a thought.

"Wait a second," he said, sliding off his bed and addressing the other two. "There are four beds in here. Isn't there supposed to be another boy in with us?"

James, who had vanished the itching powder, and Sirius also looked around the room in surprise, getting up from the floor and joining Remus in the center of the room.

"Do you think we should go ask someone? Like, a prefect, maybe?"

Remus nodded his agreement with James and moved toward the door.

"Yeah, maybe they can-"

He was cut off as the door was pushed open by one of the Gryffindor's prefects. A small, mousy boy hung sheepishly behind the disgruntled fifth year.

"Here you go, Peter," the older boy said before turning towards the other occupants of the room. "One of your dorm mates got a little turned around on the fifth floor. You'll probably want to help him find his way about the castle if you can."

After pushing the blushing boy into the room, he left, closing the door behind him.

Peter fidgeted awkwardly in front of the door until Remus took pity on him.

"Well, welcome to our room, I guess," he said, with a kind smile. "I'm Remus and those loons are James and Sirius."

"Hullo!" James crowed as Sirius waved maniacally at the newest member.

Peter smiled weakly.

"Hi."

Remus paused a moment, waiting for Peter to do or say something else. Instead, the silence stretched into awkwardness again and he felt obligated to help the other boy out.

"It's quite late and I think we were all heading to bed, so..."

"Oh," Peter said. "Okay. Um, do you know which bed is mine? Do we just pick one or...?"

Remus raised an eyebrow and glanced at the beds.

"I'm pretty sure that it's the one with your trunk at the end."

He noticed that Sirius was smirking and James was suppressing laughter at the question. Peter seemed to be oblivious of the obvious answer and nodded a relieved thanks at Remus as he walked to his bed.

The other two sniggered quietly together as they brushed their teeth and climbed in bed.

Remus sat quietly, watching as Peter hastily finished his nighttime preparations and got in bed. Realizing that no one had turned the light off, he reached for his wand and pointed it at the light fixture on the ceiling.

Before extinguishing it, he looked around the room again. It now looked decidedly lived-in, with dirty clothes already piled on the floor and various items thrown haphazardly from trunks. James and Sirius had begun competing to see who could make the loudest snores and their exaggerated noises filled the room. Remus was sure that the two of them would make their Hogwarts' years a fantastic adventure.

The notion that he was going to spend the next seven years in this room with these boys was something that he had never even thought possible.

Yet, here he was.

Grinning in excitement, he focused on the light.

"Nox."

Red.

A line of blood seeping through a bandage that was peeking out of James' shirt.

Remus stared at the bright color, guilt and dread forming a knot in his chest. He was sure that he had not been meant to see it. In fact, he was sure he wouldn't have seen it at all if Lily Evans hadn't walked into Transfiguration after them, prompting James to unbutton the top buttons of his shirt while running a hand through his hair.

Anger and frustration at his friends and himself plagued him through the rest of class. He was sure that McGonagall would've reprimanded for his lack of attention on any other day, but she seemed to think his transformation the previous night was to blame, giving him sympathetic looks every so often.

He waited impatiently for the period to end, grateful that they had lunch next, as it would give him time to confront the others.

Once McGonagall dismissed the class, he shoved his books, quill, and parchment into his bag before turning to James.

"We need to talk." He said, before turning to Sirius and Peter, seated behind them. "You guys, too."

The three of them exchanged confused glances but followed Remus into an empty classroom down the hall.

He waited until the rush of students had ended before speaking.

"What happened last night?"

The other three immediately tensed. Sirius recovered almost instantly, relaxing his posture and donning a blank expression as he leaned against a desk. James grew fidgety and attempted to act nonchalant while Peter froze, nervousness written all over his face.

"Nothing happened," Sirius drawled. "Well, unless you count almost getting caught by Filch on the way in. I thought we were gonna end up-"

With a huff of annoyance, Remus cut him off.

"You're bleeding, Prongs."

James' eyebrows lifted as he stared at Remus.

"What?"

"Your shoulder. It's bleeding through the bandage."

James pulled aside his shirt as he looked, cursing at the sight of the blood. He looked back at Remus.

"It's not a big deal."

Remus rolled his eyes and walked to James.

"Show me."

James shook his head and pulled his robes further over his shoulders, but Remus wasn't having it.

"I have a right to know what I did. Now show me."

James shot a look at Sirius, who shrugged helplessly. Sighing, he pulled his robes off and unbuttoned his shirt, shrugging out of it before carefully removing the bandage.

"Merlin's beard." Remus breathed, collapsing onto the desk behind him. He felt the blood drain from his face as he stared at the wound.

It was long and deep, stretching up from James' chest and disappearing over his shoulder. Blood began seeping from it, stark against his skin.

Remus gaped at it before weakly asking again, "What happened?"

"We got too close to Hogsmeade."

Remus looked at Sirius in horror.

"I didn't-!"

"No one was hurt! We think the human scent was too strong and you got a little...upset. I was able to distract you before it got too out of hand, but you didn't like it when Prongs kept you from going down to the village."

Remus buried his head in his hands as all the possible scenarios played through his mind.

"It's really not as bad as it looks," James insisted. "We just didn't want any questions from Pomfrey, so we tried to handle it ourselves. Obviously, Padfoot isn't the best of nurses."

"If I was supposed to be a nurse, I wouldn't have been born with such raging good looks and skills. Face it, I'm way too attractive to be a nurse."

"Would you focus?!" Remus snarled at them. "I could've attacked somebody last night and I practically mauled you, James! I've let this go too far. We can't do this anymore. I'll just transform in the Shack, like I'm supposed to, and-"

"Hey!"

"No way!"

"Come on, Moony!" Peter protested with the others. "We should have a say in this, too."

"No. I'm the one who's responsible for what happens and I can't run the risk of hurting someone. We're done."

James threw his hands up in exasperation as he paced in front of Remus.

"It won't happen again! We'll keep to the Forbidden Forest, stay away from Hogsmeade-"

"It's not about Hogsmeade!"

"Then what's the issue?"

"I could've turned you into a monster!" Remus cried, his voice cracking, and he covered his face with his hands.

James' steps faltered as he turned toward his friend with the others.

"I could've bitten you or-or killed you. And if I did, I couldn't..."

James strode to Remus and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Listen to me," he said, waiting until Remus raised his head. "You _are not _a monster. You can't control what happens during the full moon because it's _not you_. If you think we are gonna let you tear yourself up while we sit and twiddle our thumbs, then you're crazy."

Sirius nodded, looking solemnly at Remus.

"We all knew what we signed up for, and I think I speak for all of us when I say that we would do it a million times over."

"After all," Peter spoke up. "We're Marauders. Danger's what we do."

"Yeah," James agreed with a slight grin. "And where would we be without you to keep us in line?"

Remus gave in with a small smile.

"Other than dead, you mean?"

Sirius smirked and pushed his hair away from his face. He jerked a thumb towards the door.

"So, now that this is all sorted, can we get some lunch?"

Remus shook his head as he stood and grabbed his wand.

"Hold up, Prongs," he said as James turned toward the door. "Let me fix that first. Don't want Lily to see you bleeding through your shirt. Though it might help..."

James grinned widely at the mention of Lily as he submitted himself to Remus' healing spell.

"I don't know, maybe she's the battle scar type. Or..." His face lit up with his characteristic 'Lily Idea' face. "Maybe I'll ask her to heal me! Don't most women have some kind of bonding motherly instinct?"

The room filled with a chorus of groans and laughter.

"Motherly instinct? What is it you want to be, her boyfriend or her kid?"

The boys continued ribbing James as they walked to the Great Hall.

Even after six years, some things would never change.

Or so Remus hoped.

Red.

The color of a rose, beautiful, yet so inadequate to express the gaping wound in his life.

Remus stood at the edge of the double grave, staring at the twin mounds of dirt and wondering how his life could've fallen apart so completely in one night.

He had been on an Order mission, attempting to recruit werewolves, when he had received the news. By that time, James and Lily had been dead for four days and buried for two; Sirius rotting in Azkaban for the murders of Peter and a dozen Muggles. Remus had missed the Potter's funeral, left to say goodbye without any others to give comfort.

For the first time in his short life, he was left truly and completely alone.

He'd thought he knew what grief was, after his mother died only a year out of Hogwarts and he had said a last goodbye to his father, determined to spare him any more inconvenience and harm. But he'd had his second family to help him through the grief. He'd had his best friends to pull him from his pit of despair and remind him that there was still reason to keep pushing through the bleak existence known as life.

Now, he could only stare at the tombstone, wondering when everything went wrong and why he couldn't have seen it in time to fix it.

A strong breeze gusted past him and he shivered in the cold November air. The graveyard was awash in dreary colors of grey, white, and black, which seemed fitting, as it matched the state of his soul.

"I'm sorry."

The sound of his voice surprised him, partially because he hadn't spoken to anyone in four days and also because he hadn't realized he was going to speak. But, as he already had begun, he felt as if it was the right thing. The _needed _thing.

"I didn't know about...all of this until it was too late. They wouldn't let me take Harry, said he was better off at the Dursley's, though how that would be good for anyone is beyond me."

He winced as he realized he was speaking badly of Lily's family, but reasoned that she probably would've agreed with him. James would've anyway.

"I just-I don't know what to do anymore. Before school, I had this vision of what life was going to be-lonely, empty. Just doing what I had to do and moving on. But then I met you guys, and you didn't push me away. Even when you learned about my lycanthropy. You showed me that life didn't have to be cruel, that people didn't have to be cruel. And I could deal with those who were because I knew that the ones that mattered didn't care.

"But now you're all gone. Gone and...and I don't know what to do."

He realized that he was crying and he couldn't stop rambling, but he didn't care.

"We were supposed to last forever. To go down in history as the Marauders. Me and you and Peter and Sirius... Merlin, Sirius!"

He angrily kicked at a rock near his foot. Everything he had ever felt about the world and life was pouring out of him and he couldn't find the will to stop it.

"I knew something was up. He wasn't acting himself, always avoiding me and never returning my owls. I thought he was just in a funk over you having to go into hiding, but I couldn't imagine..."

He fell to his knees, clutching handfuls of dirt in his fists.

"I failed you. I failed you and Harry and Pete and all those people he killed. But I won't do it again. I swear it. I know I can't do much now, but I promise that I'll look out for your son in every way I can. And I'll tell him about you, about the parents he deserved to have but didn't get. And I'll make sure he gets every chance, the way you did for me."

Pushing himself off the ground, he wiped his face and took a deep breath.

"Goodbye James. Goodbye Lily. I love you. You were the best thing to ever happen to me. Thank you for believing in me when even I couldn't."

Bending down, he placed the rose in front of the stone. There it rested, stark against the bleak grey of winter.

Alone alone alone.

Just like him.

Red.

The hair of the boy who, along with a bushy-haired girl, had been by Harry's side since the train ride. Hard as he tried, he had found himself unable to stop watching the trio, thinking back to his own days as a student with the other Marauders.

When Remus had first met them on the train during the Dementor attack, he had instantly known his best friend's son. The resemblance between Harry and James was so strong that it had taken his breath away. After making sure that Harry was recovering from the attack, he had gone to talk to the conductor, needing a moment to regain his composure.

He had known that he'd run into Harry, after all he was going to be his teacher, and he'd heard rumor of the uncanny resemblance, but nothing had prepared him for Lily's bright green eyes to stare at him beneath James' unruly hair.

He had been slightly concerned when the boy had been late to the feast, but McGonagall had quieted his fears when she came in behind Harry and the girl, Hermione, and stopped at his seat.

"Don't worry, Lupin," she had said. "I just sent him to Pomfrey to be certain he had no aftereffects, but your chocolate seems to have done the trick. Good thinking on that."

He had smiled gratefully at her, glad to be back with his old professor, who had always treated him kindly.

"Thank you, professor."

"Minerva. And it's good to see you back."

"It's good to be back," He had replied.

And he meant it. Despite the judgmental looks and remarks he had already received from some of the staff and students, he was relieved to be back at Hogwarts, the only place he had ever been truly sheltered from prejudice and discrimination.

When he had received the letter from Dumbledore, asking if he would fill the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, he had been shocked. Sure, he could, and had, fought Death Eaters and other Dark Wizards, but so had many others.

Others who didn't turn into monsters once a month.

But then he had begun thinking about the ramifications of the position. He would be back at Hogwarts, a place that held the best memories of his life, and he would get to be around Harry. He had kept his promise to Lily and James, visiting the Dursley house a couple times a year to check on Harry, but had never before had the chance to actually interact with the boy.

After a few hours of arguing with himself, he had sent his acceptance with the waiting owl and begun to ready himself for the new position.

Now, as he sat at the staff table, enjoying better food than he'd had in months and ignoring the death glares from Snape (some things never changed), he was certain he'd made the right choice.

Red.

The color of the small inked letters that formed an impossible name.

Remus had been watching the Marauder's Map all evening, waiting for Harry, Ron, and Hermione to sneak off to Hagrid's as he knew they would.

Once he saw the dots moving back to the castle, he had lifted his wand to close the map, satisfied that they had stayed, remarkably, out of trouble.

'Mischief managed' was on the tip of his tongue when he noticed the fourth name in the group and his wand clattered to the floor.

It was impossible.

Wholly, completely, _irrevocably impossible._

Horror was added to his confusion when he saw the name 'Sirius Black' on the dot racing swiftly towards the group.

Snatching his wand from the floor, he sprinted out of his room, determined to discover the truth.

If Peter was still alive, and he had to be because the map _never _lied, then why hadn't he shown himself sooner?

And why in Merlin's name was he at Hogwarts?

And how did Sirius know he was here?

Whatever the answers were, Fate seemed to have seen fit to reunite the remaining Marauders at last and Remus needed to know why.

Even if it meant confronting the best friend he had spent the last twelve years hating.

Red.

The crackling flames in the fireplace of 12 Grimmauld Place, which was now bereft of its unwilling owner.

Remus sat staring at the flames, wanting simply to stop thinking and feeling because those things hurt too much.

He had always prided himself on being level-headed and rational, especially when compared to James and Sirius while in school, but sometimes his heart was just stronger than his head.

_Rationally_, he knew that he should be grateful and content with the two years he had had with his best friend when they shouldn't have had any, but those years did nothing to make up for the twelve years lost before Sirius returned or the countless years lost to his death.

"It doesn't seem fair, does it?"

Remus head jerked up as he realized that he was no longer alone. Turning his head, he saw Tonks give him a sad smile as she sat beside him.

Instantly, he grew tense, discomfort and apprehension bubbling from his gut. It had been weeks since he had been alone with her and he feared that his current emotional instability would lead to words and actions that he would regret. Their last meeting had been one of the most exhilarating and depressing days of his life. He had inadvertently revealed his feelings to Tonks on an overnight Order mission as they lay surveying a Death Eater's home. He had expected her to run away in horror, but she didn't.

Instead, she told him that she had fallen for him.

And it was the most wonderful and frightening moment of his adult life.

He had feigned misunderstanding, pushed through the rest of the mission, and then spent the last weeks avoiding her in every way possible. He had been confident that he could deal with it in his usual method - running as far away as possible - as soon as the war was over.

And then Sirius died.

It was, as Tonks had said, hopelessly unfair and destroyed the hopes he had been harboring for a normal life. But then again, he was a werewolf.

What did he know about normal?

"Remus? Are-are you alright?"

He jumped at Tonks question, so lost in thought that he'd nearly forgotten she was there.

Nearly.

"Yes," he responded, avoiding her stare. "I was actually just about to leave. Arthur and some others are going to the pub and I thought I would join them. So..." In any other circumstances, he would invite her along, but even good manners couldn't push the words out of his mouth.

Feeling her gaze on him, he stood and turned toward the door.

"So you're still running away."

He froze, the mix of resentment and pain in her question causing a shiver of regret down his spine.

Sighing, he closed his eyes and rubbed his face wearily.

"Look, Tonks, it's nothing against you. Just - not tonight."

She was silent for a moment before answering.

"When then?" she bit out. He turned back to her as she growled, her face creased in frustration. "I didn't mean- Can we forget about our...stuff, and just be two friends who need some comfort tonight?"

He looked up at her, surprised to find tears rolling down her face. Tonks was tough, she had to be as an Auror, and didn't cry easily or often. This show of emotion revealed how upset she was and it hit him like a hammer.

Groaning in frustration, he sat beside her and pulled her into his arms, letting her snuggle into his chest. His heart thumped hard and fast as he struggled between his desperate desire for her and his need to be as far from her as possible.

Despite his apprehensions, he felt himself relaxing into her warmth as the time passed, the weariness and grief of the past few days lessening the longer they sat.

"Can you honestly tell me this doesn't feel right?"

Remus closed his eyes at the question, but didn't move.

"No," he replied honestly. "But relationships rely on more than feelings, Dora."

Tonks pulled away from him and he opened his eyes to find hers narrowed at him in defiance.

"Is there something I did wrong?"

"What? No!" he protested, astounded. What could ever give her that idea? "You're wonderful. You're beautiful, smart, talented... It's not you."

"Okay, so then, what is it? And don't say you're not interested because I know that's not the case. So tell me why."

His eyebrows lifted and he blushed. Had he really been that obvious?

"Why? I would think it's apparent."

"_Apparently_ not," she scoffed. "Or we wouldn't be having this discussion."

"I'm far too old for you," he said, sternly, feeling as if this was fairly evident. "Thirteen years is a long time and much too far a gap to breach..."

"I think I should have a say in that."

"And you're Sirius' cousin, for Merlin's sake!"

Both faltered at Sirius' name, but Tonks pressed on.

"Age makes no difference to me and it shouldn't to you, either. As for being Sirius' cousin, well, he's not here to care anymore and, even if he was, I don't think he would. Am I right?"

Remus scowled at her question because he knew it had been a weak point and that Sirius hadn't cared. In fact, he had been the first one to encourage a relationship between the two of them, even ribbing his friend like they had at school. When Remus, horrified, had asked if Sirius thought his cousin was too young for him, the wizard had shrugged.

"After losing everything for twelve years," he had said. "I've learned to take everything life gives me. You're both adults and you both deserve someone to be with. If you want it, then take it, Moony. Life doesn't often give us the luxury of choosing later."

Shaking the memory off, he continued his argument.

"I barely have the money to take care of myself, let alone a family. You need to be taken care of and I can't do that!"

"Money is also unimportant," she said earnestly, placing a hand on his arm. "Anyway, I've got a job that would take care of us if needed. We could do this, Remus, really. I-"

He jumped up, pulling away from her and pacing before the fire.

"No, Tonks. No, we couldn't."

"Why won't you listen to reason?" she cried, eyes shining wetly in the firelight. "Why won't you just accept the possibility of some happiness in your life instead of pushing everyone away? I know you fear losing your loved ones again, but if you'd just give it a chance, it might-"

"No, it can't ever work."

"Can't or won't?"

"Can't!" he cried, his voice strained as he turned to her. "I'm a monster, Tonks! You know that as well as everyone else in the Order does. I'm too dangerous to... And I'm poison. Everyone I love dies, just as you just said. My parents, my friends... Even after getting Sirius back, he died too. No one deserves that. No one deserves, or wants..."

"You?" Tonks stepped closer to him, her eyes not straying from his. "I know you have the hardest time accepting this, Remus, but that's not actually your choice. You're not a monster and you're surrounded by people who care for you - Harry, the Weasleys, me - but you can't hold them at bay forever."

She stopped a breath away from him, reaching up to cup his face.

"As for being poison, which is rubbish by the way, that is a risk I am _very_ willing to take."

And then she was kissing him, sweetly and hesitantly, but kissing all the same. His rigid posture softened, giving into it for a moment before he realized what he was doing.

Pulling away abruptly, he pushed her back, already hating himself for the hurt written on her face.

"I'm sorry. I can't... I'm sorry."

He avoided her eyes and strode quickly from the room, trying to convince himself that he was doing the right thing and wishing his heart would stop beating so bloody fast.

Red.

The angry, squalling face of his newborn son.

Remus cradled the infant carefully, sure that the wrong amount of pressure would harm the child in some way. It had been three days since the birth, but he still wasn't completely comfortable holding his son. Especially now, when nothing seemed to calm the infant.

Desperate to end the wails and let his wife sleep a bit, Remus began talking to Teddy, wildly hoping that it would work.

And, to his great surprise, it did.

Relieved, Remus kept up the hushed monologue, saying anything that came to mind.

As Teddy quieted, settling into his arms with little whimpers, Remus spoke of his life and the expectations and realities of it. He told his son of the Marauders and the best seven years of his life. He spoke of missions, his marriage to Tonks, the war; words pouring from his mouth as he watched his son relax.

Eventually, he was left without words, watching as Teddy slept, making soft noises in his sleep. He had moved to the window and watched as the child's green hair seemed to glow in the moonlight.

He ran a gentle hand over it and chuckled as it lightened to turquoise with his touch. Even after knowing Tonks and her abilities, the baby's transformations still astounded him and filled him with apprehension.

Because if Teddy could inherit such strong genetic traits from his mother, he could do the same from his father.

The fear of having doomed his child to a life of pain and discrimination still lurked beneath his exhilaration at becoming a father.

The day of Teddy's birth, when the Healer had handed him his son for the first time, Tonks had smiled up at him tiredly.

"See, Remus," she had said. "No claws, no fangs, no hair covered body..."

"Dora..."

"He's perfect, my love. Perfect, whole, and wholly human. You have nothing to fear, Remus."

He had looked down at the sleeping infant and then at his wife, tears filling his eyes as she laid a hand on his arm.

"He's not a mistake," she had whispered softly, and no other words had ever affected him so much.

Now, as he gently stroked Teddy's cheek, he knew that he would do and give anything to make sure that that was true. That his son's life and existence would never be a mistake and that he would never know the pain of rejection based on who or what he was.

He would make the world a better place for Edward Remus Lupin.

No matter the cost.

Red.

A flash of light that shot past his face and slammed into the wall behind him. Jerking back, he ducked another spell and sent an answering shot at the Death Eater. A Killing curse came flying from another direction, striking the Death Eater just after his own.

Turning from the prone figure, he continued to fight his way through the Great Hall, casting spells in aid of his allies as he moved.

He dueled four Dark wizards in as many minutes, successfully defeating his opponents with only a few injuries.

He had just saved Arthur Weasley from an Avada cast by Rodolphus Lestrange, dispatching the Death Eater with a Stunner, when he heard a voice that coated his insides in ice.

Whirling around, he saw his wife, only feet away, working with Neville Longbottom to defeat a masked and hooded Death Eater.

Her face was fixed in fierce determination as she worked, blocking and sending spells with incredible skill. Even as he watched, she killed the wizard, blocking Neville from his last spell with the same breath.

Ducking another dueling pair, he made his way to her, pressing his back against hers as the scanned the Hall for more opponents.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded exasperatedly. "I thought we agreed that you would stay with your mother and Teddy!"

She shot a spell across the room, reaching back with her other hand to grasp his, before answering.

"I couldn't stay! Teddy will be fine and I couldn't just sit there when I could be protecting you!"

He gripped her hand tightly, wondering for the millionth time how he could be so lucky, while worry squeezed his throat painfully.

"Well, my love," he said. "I can't say that I am happy you're here, but there's no one I would rather fight beside."

She met his eyes briefly, giving him a quick smile before resuming her vigilant stare.

"Me either."

Giving her hand another squeeze, he released it and pointed his wand at Antonin Dolohov, who was approaching him with a malicious smile.

He felt his wife's warmth leave his back as moved forward to meet the Death Eater.

The duel was intense, but quick, and Remus could feel his lack of practice begin to take its toll.

He ducked a spell but couldn't avoid the next one. It struck him in the stomach, lifting him and slamming him into the wall behind him. Fireworks burst across his vision, Dora's name on his tongue, as his world exploded in...

**Red.**


End file.
